Enough

Hi there! Let me take a minute to introduce myself and tell you a little bit about me and what I do. My name is Suman Mampilly and I am a native New Yorker. I have a passion for helping people build upon their best self. This means that I can help you in overcoming challenges, breaking habits, restoring your relationship with your unconscious mind, and help you to connect emotionally with the best parts of yourself. My specialties include weight loss, confidence building, and stress management. As a licensed clinical hypnotherapist and life coach, I like to combines both modalities to create an experience that is unique for you. Each person is unique so every treatment plan is customized to the individual based on their goals and needs. So that is the jist of what I do now but it wasn’t always like that. Before I found my calling to be a hypnotherapist and life coach I struggled with what I wanted to do and where I fit in and that’s why I wanted to share this. I could be in a room full of my family and friends and still feel utterly alone. Don’t get me wrong I talked to everyone and participated in every conversation but deep down inside something was nagging at me. And I couldn’t figure out what it was. Yet still fundamentally within myself, something was wasn’t quite whole. Have you heard of self-sabotage? Of yes- it’s quite real! Take it from someone who has just given up her crown as reigning of queen of self-sabotage. This was my pattern. I would get so close to being complete. Whether it was school or a relationship or my weight. Anything that really mattered or would help me get ahead in life was always in some way or form destroyed by no one other than me. And if I really think back to it, I have been doing this since I was really young. My earliest memory of this was in the seventh grade, we were prepping for a county wide spelling bee and I had made it to the top two. My word was figurine. As I was standing up there and I started spelling the word I quick snippet passed through my head – if you keep being good at things people will not like you as much, it passed just as quickly as it came but I still spelt the word incorrectly. Even though figurine was word I could easily spell. Then there was my weight. The never ending conversation about my weight in my household. When I was younger I was chubby. As teenager I worked hard to lose some weight but I never let myself lose the amount of weight I set out to lose. I didn’t get my license till I was about twenty. Not because I didn’t want to drive because I wasn’t taught to drive till then.

Changing my major in college is when I finally started to find my voice. My mother said she wanted me to become a pharmacist. But here’s the thing I don’t like math and I don’t like science but I did it anyway. I did it for five years out a six year program. It was like a mental block on all ends that stopped me from succeeding.

Then one day we were all at a family event and someone said to me, “When you were younger, you used to talk and laugh a lot. And then you stopped.” It was like a cold glass of water thrown on my face. I remembered laughing and talking a lot when I was younger. What changed? What was I searching for that was just out of my grasp that was hindering my happiness? Why did I have so much conflict in my life?

I took a step back and really evaluated my life. Really thought about everything.

I have always gotten feelings, “the tinglies”, or a kind of heat in my chest when something is going on, when something is about to happen, or about people. Usually when that happened and I told someone in my family they would tell me to be quiet or to stop. So I think I stopped. I held it all in inside and tried to be what they wanted me to be. I tried to become someone who was complacent, to not feel, was angry and sad all the time, and very very lonely in a house full of people.

I thought I wasn’t good enough. I thought I wasn’t good enough for good things to happen to me. I thought I wasn’t good enough to choose my own career and succeed at it. I thought I wasn’t good enough to be in a healthy relationship. I stopped talking as much because I thought I wasn’t good enough to be heard and listened to.

On the surface I was driven, motivated, and a go getter to anyone who wasn’t part of my family. Striving to achieve everything I set out to do. But inside my family I felt like I wasn’t enough. Once I realized that I knew that it was time to make a change. I knew that the changes had to come from within first because there if I wanted my life to be positive I needed to act.

First things first I changed my major. I didn’t consult with anyone; I didn’t ask for permission, I just did it. I majored in psychology with a minor in sociology and graduated in Magna Cum Laude then went on to get my master’s degree in corporate psychology. After that I took my passion for psychology and helping others even further and got licensed as a clinical hypnotherapist and life coach. That’s the education portion or our program! Ha-ha!

Now on I had to deal with the – Enough- all of my not good enoughs had to be addressed. How do you work on deprogramming yourself from years of unknowing self-sabotage and self-deprecating behavior?

It takes a lot of soul searching. And it was hard for me to think of myself as good enough for anything. Sometimes it still is, don’t get me wrong.

I have come to realize that I cannot take other people’s words/behavior to heart and that I can only be responsible for how I react.

My intuition is part of who I am and what I am and I just let it do its thing. When I was younger I didn’t know what the tinglies were but now I do and I just roll with it. Grounding exercises have also become a huge part of my everyday existence.

Let me tell you it is still a work that is very much in progress but it is possible to be ENOUGH.

Enough for yourself. Enough for anyone that matters. Enough for anyone that doesn’t matter. Enough for anything and everything that you see fit because the only thing that you have to keep remembering when you start to feel anxious or alone is that – YOU ARE ENOUGH.

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